Your Sex Horoscope for the Weekend

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Your sexoscope for the week of August 9 to August 15:

Aries

If you’re single:

This weekend is sort of a flop, TBH, and you’re feeling super sad about being single. Make sure you find time to go out during the week though—the best day of the *entire year* for your love life happens Wednesday, when Venus and the Sun team up in your chart’s sector of romance, sex, and fun! I’m not promising that the love of your life will show up, but the potential for getting some action is HUGE!

If you haven’t DTR:

Your situationship is making big moves this week, ready or not. Stressful transits from Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto this week make you feel like your love life is totally out of control and things are moving waaaaay too fast—which is a lot, considering how you’re always running a million miles a minute! It all turns out alright, though—Venus and the Sun team up on Wednesday making an annual conjunction marking the luckiest day of the year for your love life!

If you’ve been together forever:

When you picture the future of your love life, what does it look like? You’re more of a live-in-the-moment type, so you don’t stress too much about the future, but this weekend’s intense astro makes it so that all you can think about is “what’s next?” Don’t freak, though—this looks like there could be a proposal, important convo about moving in together or starting a family this week!

Taurus

If you’re single:

This weekend can be summed up in one word: dramatic! You leave the house to go out with your squad, but someone in the group gets too lit, or starts an argument, or something else just as crazy and ruins your chances of a fun night. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Taurus, but your time is best spent chilling at home and doing some major self-care this week.

If you haven’t DTR:

The current state of your situationship is giving you major deja vu vibes this weekend. It feels like you’ve been in this “What are we?” mindset a million times before, and you’re following the same pattern that’s never worked for you in the past. You might even panic and feel like ghosting your FWB just to avoid how this is all feeling! You need alone time, Taurus—relax, list out all the ways this situationship is different (and better!) than past ones, and by the end of the week you’ll be fine!

If you’ve been together forever:

Your weekend starts off just fine—you’re at home, laid up in bed with your boo, and enjoying some fun between the sheets, but your post-coital pillow talk leads to some heavy subject matter. Maybe you get into a fight or there’s a disagreement about what you and your boo want for the future of your relationship. You’re stubborn as hell and refuse to ever back down, but this week would be a great time to start learning how to be a little more flexible if you want to avoid long-term drama or hurting anyone’s feelings!

Gemini

If you’re single:

So, you’re at the bar, flirting with your potential new lover (or maybe just a prospective hookup) and you slip up or say something they don’t like. All of a sudden, they’re giving you a pretty hard time or might even just leave…ouch. You’re no stranger to social faux pas, so they’re never a big deal, but this person’s reaction stings bad. Don’t lose hope of ever finding love, Gemini—by Wednesday, expect an even cuter special someone to slide into your DMs and make you feel better again!

If you haven’t DTR:

It’s no secret that commitment ain’t your thing, and although you’re really feeling your FWB and pondering *gasp* talking about starting a relationship with them, your brain keeps making excuses as to why you shouldn’t! You love to speak your mind, but get it all off your chest with your bestie and clear your headspace before you have any potentially-breakup-inducing talks. The luckiest day of the year for your love life is Wednesday, and you don’t want to fumble this situationship right before the big day!

If you’ve been together forever:

There’s big stuff happening in your love life, Gemini, and you can feel it this weekend—but instead of feeling happy about taking things a step further with your boo (like moving in together or even talking about marriage) you seem to be getting cold feet! Don’t panic—overthinking things is your sign’s specialty, and that’s exactly what you’re doing now. It’s been a tough summer but things are turning around this week, I promise!

Cancer

If you’re single:

You’re texting your latest Tinder match, making plans to go out tonight, then boom—work calls you in last minute, or they ghost you, and you’re left feeling crushed all weekend. Stay in, watch an entire season of your fave Netflix series, and just take it easy. Wednesday is the luckiest day for all things Venusian (aka romance, sex, and pleasure) so even if your crush never hits you up again, splurging on a new vibrator and going to town on yourself washes away all of those negative feels!

If you haven’t DTR:

You’re on the job, getting that bread and everything, and after a long weekend of being clocked in your FWB didn’t respond to a single text…WTF? You’re tired, stressed, and your mind keeps thinking about the worst case scenario that you’ve been ghosted or something, but take a breath, Cancer—sometimes, life happens. They could have been just as busy as you, or maybe forgot to reply, ya know? Hit them up again Wednesday—aka the luckiest day of the year for love. Might as well!

If you’ve been together forever:

You’re a water sign, aka your mood has total control over you, and when you’re feeling spread thin, it overwhelms the eff out of you! Your boo knows exactly how to make you feel better 99% of the time, but they’re dealing with a lot this weekend, too, and everyone’s feeling tense AF. Sometimes, the best way to unwind is to pound out all of your stress, and Wednesday is the perfect day for spending literal hours in bed together—by the time they’re finished with you, you’ll both forget how stressful the weekend was, promise!

Leo

If you’re single:

If there was ever a week to fall in love, this is the one! Okay, maybe not fall in love if you don’t want that right now, but the stars are def aligning in your favor for *some* kind of action, Leo. You’re having a fun-filled weekend under the playful Sagittarius Moon, and it’s perfect for you to go out for your b-day, party, flirt with some cuties, and take one (or more) back home with you for even more fun! Keep the cutest ones’ numbers—Wednesday’s the best day all year for your love life, so hit them up again for round two and they’re basically guaranteed to give you a “YES!!!” as soon as they get your text.

If you haven’t DTR:

Your job is bugging you more than usual this week, but it’s your season, dammit, so shrug off the stress and have some fun! Your situationship is going splendidly, and things improve even more when Mercury re-enters your sign on Sunday. Mercury rules communication, so if you’re thinking about defining the relationship, this is the week, Leo! Oh, and PS: the best day for your love life for the entire year is Wednesday, so that’s defs the day to pop the question.

If you’ve been together forever:

Even with how much of a pain in the ass work has been lately, nobody can rain on your parade this weekend! Whether you stay in with your boo or go out and party, you’re having a freakin’ blast! Treat yourself to some cute lingerie, some new toys, or something else that’s kinky and fun for your birth season and whip it out on Wednesday—it’s the best day of the year for your love/sex life and anything you can do to enhance it for yourself (and your boo too, I guess) is supported by this week’s astrology!

Virgo

If you’re single:

This weekend is one big *yawn* for you, Virgo. Even if you’re totally in the mood to do it with someone sexy, you can’t even find the energy to swipe through Tinder to find anyone to fool around with. This week’s not much better either, unfortunately—you feel like no one is doing it for you, ya know? Basically, you’re just not feeling thrilled by your options… so it looks like you’re staying in, pulling out your trusty vibrator, and taking care of yourself this weekend.

If you haven’t DTR:

You’re in that weird “are we a thing?” phase and this weekend you’re feeling pretty over it all, TBH. There’s nothing wrong, per se, but you feel like there’s not a ton going very right, either. Listen, Virgo—nobody’s perfect, and just because your hookup isn’t meeting your impossibly high standards doesn’t mean that they aren’t a great match for you! Instead of pointing out all of the things that could be better, why not focus on everything that attracted you to this person in the first place? Wait this mood out and by Wednesday they might blow you away with something that shows you just how great they are.

If you’ve been together forever:

Leo season is always less than delightful for your sign, but this weekend in particular feels pretty dull. You’re liable to catch an attitude with how grumpy you’re feeling, but try to make sure you don’t get snippy with your S.O. Sure, action may be at an all-time-low for you two and you’re not around each other as much as usual, but listen—Wednesday’s astrology is seriously sexy and brings the spark back to your love life, and you’ll regret every grouchy remark you made over the weekend.

Libra

If you’re single:

You lock eyes with the cutie of the century when you step out to the club this weekend and you’re seeing sparks fly as soon as it happens—wow! You have got to get your hands on them! Buy them a drink, introduce yourself, and see where it goes—your night is more likely than not to end with you feeling totally enamored with them. Wednesday’s the luckiest day all year for your love life, and the start of a new cycle for relationships, so if you’re still interested (which you totally will be) make plans to meet up again then.

If you haven’t DTR:

You’ve had many a hookup and gone on plenty of dates with a variety of paramours in your time, but you’re starting to really notice now that your current squeeze stands out from the rest. You love love, but your classic Libran fear of commitment often holds you back from ever committing to a relationship. This weekend, you can break that pattern by just being candidly honest with your feelings. If you’re ready to take things to the next level, the luckiest day for your love life all year is Wednesday, so schedule starting The Talk accordingly.

If you’ve been together forever:

Listen up, Libra—your relationship is quickly approaching a major upgrade this week. Wednesday’s the big day where something called the cazimi Venus occurs, which in English translates to the best astrological energy you could ever ask for in regards to your love life. It only happens once per year, and in your chart it’s in the zone of hopes and dreams for the future—so it goes without saying that this is HUGE.

Scorpio

If you’re single:

You’re all about and ~passion~ and ~intimacy~ and want, no, crave a partner who can match your intensity, but that’s a pre-e-etty tall order to fill, Scorpio. Here’s the tea: you can go on a date or hook up with someone and just leave it at that without pressure to make it more serious. Head out this weekend—and be openminded, even if a person doesn’t immediately stand out as soulmate material. Say hey, flirt a little, maybe even take ‘em home, and if you’re interested in seeing them again, get their number. If you spend your whole life waiting on the LOYL you’re gonna be real lonely, so have some fun and live a little!

If you haven’t DTR:

You’re tired of waiting around for your almost-boo to define the relationship! You want to know why can’t they just get a move on already? Do they still like you? Are they having as much fun as you are in bed? Wait, are they even enjoying it at all? Psst, hey Scorpio, your paranoia’s showing. You’re waaaay overthinking things here. If they didn’t like you as much as you like them, do you think they’d still be talking to you? If you want to change your relationship status so bad, all you have to do is ask, and Wednesday’s the best day for you to start that talk, JSYK!

If you’ve been together forever:

You love gossip, rumors, and other people’s secrets, but when it comes to your own personal life, your business stays under wraps—especially when it comes to your love life. You’ve been with your partner for a while now and are obviously suuuuper close, but how familiar are they with your friends and family? When you won’t go public with your S.O. (more public than changing your relationship status on Facebook, anyway) it makes them feel insecure and can cause intimacy issues, too. There’s no need to compartmentalize every part of your life—so show them how much you love them and show ’em off a little!

Sagittarius

If you’re single:

You’re usually always down to try something (or someone) new, but you’re having some weird feelings of self-doubt lately, making you hesitate to put yourself out there when you’re interested in someone. What happened, Sagittarius? It’s almost like you’ve lost your inner fire. Luckily, Jupiter Retrograde ending plus the cazimi Venus (AKA the best astrology to ever happen to your love life) happening this week reignite your spirit and just in time, too— because it’s likely that someone entirely new catches your eye this week and there’s an instant attraction between you two!

If you haven’t DTR:

Your planetary bestie, Jupiter, has been retrograde for four months, and that finally ends this weekend! You’ve been super hard on yourself lately, but now your confidence is finally returning. On top of that, Venus and the Sun team up to help push your love life in a brand new direction, too—and that means your relationship status is changing. This could mean defining the relationship if you and your crush are happy together, or you could be breaking away from a shitty situation and being totally independent and loving the single life. Whichever option sounds better is most likely the one you’re gonna get!

If you’ve been together forever:

You need a vacation, Sagittarius! It’s been a rough summer, but you’re feeling like your usual energetic, optimistic self again, and the skies are finally clearing up this week, especially in your love life! Leo season is all about trying new things, so why not use all of your refreshed energy to test out any and all of the new positions and kinks you’ve been aching to experiment with? It’s also a good time to take an actual vacation with bae—whether you travel to your own personal Love Island or just take a day trip to the beach, it’ll be ballerrr.

Capricorn

If you’re single:

You’re feeling like your luck’s run dry in your love life—you can’t find a date or anyone cute to do it with, and it’s starting to get to you! Listen, Capricorn, you are totally capable of finding someone sexy to go out with, you just have to learn to open up and stop worrying about what they might think, or how you should act. You shut yourself off when you do that, making it impossible to form those strong connections you want so much, or any substantial connections period. Go outthis week, have a drink or two (or three) and just be yourself around anyone you talk to. This week’s astrology is making your chart’s zone of intimacy glow up, so there’s no better time to put yourself out there than now!

If you haven’t DTR:

You’re super cautious with your feelings, very particular about who you open up to, and have to be in control of how fast things move in your love life without any exceptions. There’s nothing wrong with that—you’re sensitive (deep down) and want to protect yourself from feeling hurt—but when your cautious nature holds you back from giving 1% while your crush is giving it their all to make things work, then it obviously doesn’t bode well for your love life. Open up, show some PDA, and let your almost-boo know that you’re a human with feelings too! Do that, and your love life can improve dramatically this week, inside and outside the bedroom.

If you’ve been together forever:

You’ve never been very touchy-feely or super romantic, but your partner is low-key aching for you to show them a little more love. You’re not doing it on purpose, and nobody thinks you’re intentionally holding back on loving up on bae—but the connection between emotionally distancing yourself and recent intimacy issues in the bedroom becomes clear this week, and something’s gotta change if you want to avoid future drama. When was the last time you sent a heart emoji-filled “I love you” text out of the blue? Random displays of affection might seem insignificant to you, but they mean the world to some people—try it out, and you’ll see positive changes in your relationship this week for sure.

Aquarius

If you’re single:

Leo season tends to be great for all of your relationships, but this weekend when you’re out with the squad and spot a blast from the past (read: an ex-flame of yours) it kinda shits on your good time! You’re left thinking about what ~could have been~ and ~where you went wrong~ and you get deeeeeep in your feels. Try to remember that the past is in the past, and focus on the idea that bigger and better relationships are in your future, and they might be closer than you think. Wednesday’s a HUGE day for your love life—like, huge huge—because your next crush (or just an insanely good hookup) could stumble into your life!

If you haven’t DTR:

This weekend’s astro ain’t easy for you, and you see an old text or a Snapchat memory or other reminder of one of your past relationship flops, but listen: your horoscope is screaming that your situationship is in for an upgrade this week! Your chart’s relationships zone is being lit up by a cazimi Venus, which basically means that the planet of love is getting magnified by the Sun and beaming all kinds of good vibes and positive growth into your love life!

If you’ve been together forever:

It all comes out this weekend—and by “it all” I mean any unspoken issues, feelings of resentment, or other conflicts between you and your partner that need to be addressed. Use your ability to be objective and reasonable to navigate the arguments coming up, and try to ditch your classic Aquarian stubbornness until everything’s been hashed out. The best astrological event of the year for your love life is happening on Wednesday, so even though this weekend could feel downright hellish at first, once you clear the air and squash any leftover drama, you can expect tons of romance, great sex, and a way happier relationship by the end of the week!

Pisces

If you’re single:

Leo season’s all about organizing your life and taking care of your health, your work, and your daily routine, and this weekend the connection between a healthy routine and a healthy love life gets highlighted. You could be at a pool party, feelin’ cute, but then remember that huge project or presentation you needed to have ready like, yesterday! You rush home to take care of your shit, then by the time you’re done and finally calm down, you realize you never got that hottie’s number… well damn. Once you de-clutter your life and handle your shit, you won’t have to worry about any more situations like this one, and by the end of the week, there should be way more space and time in your life to keep a cutie or two around for longer than a day.

If you haven’t DTR:

You finally have the time to hang out with your FWB this weekend, but as soon as things start heating up between you two, you remember that you have to cover someone’s shift at work, or you have to finish up a project ASAP! And this has been happening a lot lately. It’s not the end of your situationship by any means, so don’t freak out—just try and use this mishap as motivation to stay on top of things more!

If you’ve been together forever:

As much as everyone loves your bubbly, carefree personality, there are some downsides to your “IDGAF” frame of mind, Pisces! Your partner’s getting irritated (and kind of hurt, too) over how you tend to forget important dates, how you disappear for days at a time doing work that you’ve been “saving for later” for weeks, and they really let you know how they feel about it this weekend after one tiny thing—like forgetting to take out the trash—sets them off. They think you can’t take anything seriously, then wonder if you take the relationship seriously, and it could result in a big fight. Surprise your boo and deep-clean your place, make sure you have all of your work/errands taken care of, and take them somewhere nice this week—Wednesday’s a great day to shoot for—to prove to them that yes, you do care and you definitely take the relationship seriously.

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Jake Register
Jake Register (better known by his Instagram handle, @jakesastrology) is a Libra and the author of Cosmopolitan’s weekly Sexoscopes.